“Nice Girls” touch themselves. Down there.

When I started as a freshman in college, part of our orientation was sex education with Sue Johanson (you may not have heard of her, but she is a pretty big deal in my country of origin). This involved an outdoor concert-like setting where thousands of horny 18-year-olds – at the cusp of their first year of independence – listened to an old woman on stage tell them about sex.

I was told what to expect – she would tell us to practice safe sex for a bit and then take questions from the audience. One of those questions would inevitably be “show us how to put a condom on with your mouth!” and she would demonstrate.

However, she did say one thing that I had never heard an “adult” say before:

Girls – you need to masturbate!

She extended her message not just to the college-aged women sitting in front of her, but also to their younger sisters or future daughters. Most boys learn to orgasm as soon as they can, why shouldn’t girls? If practice makes perfect, why are we letting boys have a 4-6 year head start on sexual satisfaction?

Now, I may be telling you something you already know, but it warrants repeating.


If you don’t trust the Canadians (who doesn’t trust the Canadians?), here is a similar message from Dr. Ruth.

If you doubt whether or not these ladies’ wisdom is up-to-date, recent studies show that teenage girls do not familiarize themselves with their body as much as boys. If progress is being made, it’s slow going.

So if you are a Mom, Dad, sex educator or just a person with an opinion – consider treating both sexes equally when it comes to masturbation. Embracing the fun parts of sexual development for all could go a long way to closing the orgasm gap and promoting gender equality between the sheets.

Now, go get your vibrator (or your sleeve if you sport a penis) and click over to your favourite dirty tumblr. If you don’t have any toys, it may be time to make an investment.

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Pen & Ink Porn: Pencils Against the Patriarchy


Despite the growing prevalence of gender-positive porn (see: the Feminist Porn Awards), it’s hard to deny that sex entertainment is still largely produced for and by men.

Shifting the balance of power in sex industries to a more equal footing between the genders is something I see as important for gender equality overall. Porn isn’t going anywhere, and it can be a great way to explore your sexuality; however, many ubiquitous themes in mainstream porn reinforce restrictive gender roles. Since the female viewer is often not considered as a target audience, we especially lack a fair, diverse and healthy representation of women in porn.

What can women do to balance this? Make their own porn!

“But producing a film requires financing, actors, and huge time commitment! Plus, it isn’t exactly the career I’ve been dreaming of” you might say.

This is why I love erotic webcomics. Although it definitely takes some serious skill to pen an amazing comic, there is a low financial barrier-to-entry and a ready audience. Female smut artists have been making waves online, producing some of the most widely read dirty comics out there.

Comics are also a great medium for porn because, when visual depictions of people are simplified, we more easily put ourself in the protagonist’s shoes and become emotionally invested in their experiences (from the book: Understanding Comics).

Here are some of my favo(u)rites penned by ladies:

1. Oglaf – Hilarious and sexy comics by Trudy Cooper and Doug Bayne

Mixing sex, humor, and buckets of creativity, Oglaf is by far my favorite dirty webcomic (actually, it’s my favorite webcomic… sorry xkcd). It certainly evokes that “this is weird, but I’m oddly turned on” response.
A more in-depth summary can be found here, but I’ll let it speak for itself with some examples. It was hard to choose, you should just spend an evening looking at the whole archive.




(without realizing I picked all hetero examples, but Oglaf features plenty of other sexy combinations)

2. Chester 5000 YXV – by Jess Fink

Sexbot, sexbot, you’re a sexbot,
You can give it to me when I need to come along,
Sexbot sexbot you’re my sexbot,
And baby you can turn me on.

…. beautiful art, character development, and sexy scenes. Ladies and Gentlemen: Chester 5000 YXV.


3. Oh Joy Sex Toy – by Erika Moen

Educational and fun, and I’m not talking about those math video games they had in elementary school. With a central focus on toys, Erika uses her art to promote good old new-fashioned sex culture! A relatively new comic, there are not too many installations yet (part of the reason it’s only #3 on my list), but what is there so far is delightful. To be fair, this comic isn’t exactly “porn”, but it’s sex-positive, lady-made and fun.


Those are my top 3 to follow!

I will also give a shout-out to Menage a 3 by Gisele Lagace and Dave Zero. This comic doesn’t break too many stereotypes but is upbeat, fun, and does feature a variety of both heterosexual and queer sexual situations (with at least one female character that takes charge of her sexuality).

Many more sex-positive webcomics can be found at Slipshine (which requires a subscription).

Happy reading!

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Nice guys, the friendzone and sexual entitlement

“Someone wanting to be your friend is not an insult, unless you feel entitled to sex. It should be a fucking honour.”

via Nice guys, the friendzone and sexual entitlement.

and the original article referenced by StavversYes, another blog about Nice Guys and the Friend Zone

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The Orgasm Gap, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Clitoris.


For some time now I have wanted to write a blog about sex (men, women, and other gender identities) and sex (intercourse, banging, making love, heavy petting, f***ing, masturbating, etc). Deciding on a topic for a first post was no small task: it would have to showcase how gender equality can be gainfully discussed with a sex-positive message.

Of course, I’m not the first person to take on this challenge. This blog will draw heavily on the work of others.

Indeed, the inspiration to highlight the orgasm gap front and center came while reading some poignant writing by Yashar Ali, author of The Current Conscience and an articulate advocate for gender equality. The points he raises in his article on the fake female orgasm embody the spirit of this blog.

Just read it. It’s worth your time whether you are female or male.

However, if you are looking for a TLDR, here is my summary and commentary:

Women orgasm less frequently during sexual encounters than men. More troublingly, women generally feel that they are less deserving of orgasms than men, and this is damaging for all parties involved. We shouldn’t just accept that female orgasms are harder to achieve and, therefore, should be faked or gone without. The difference in “effort” required to orgasm may not even be innate. My personal opinion is that much of the difference is tied to cultural expectations about who deserves the effort.

Society needs to learn how to love the clitoris as much as we love the penis. It is structurally analogous, after all.

I plan on following up on this topic with further research, but that’s all for now.
Here is another article about it if you didn’t catch the in-text link earlier:

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